Healing From Abandonment Issues: A Guide to Restoring Emotional Well-being

By Jared Levenson - Reviewed on August 12, 2023
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Abandonment, whether experienced in childhood or adulthood, can profoundly affect a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

It occurs when someone feels deserted, rejected, or left alone, leading to deep-rooted feelings of insecurity, abandonment, fear of, and mistrust in relationships.

Abandonment is often the result of various factors, such as parental neglect, emotional or physical abuse, separation, loss of family members, or traumatic experiences. These experiences shape an individual’s perception of themselves and others, creating emotional wounds that can manifest in many aspects of their lives.

Understanding the causes and consequences of abandonment is crucial for those seeking to heal and reclaim their lives.

At Online Mental Health Reviews, our mission is to empower individuals to make informed decisions about their mental health. We understand the challenges that abandonment issues can bring, and we’re here to guide you on your healing journey.

What Causes Fear of Abandonment?

The fear of abandonment is a deep-rooted emotional distress stemming from various factors, such as past experiences of rejection, neglect, abandonment wound, or loss. It can have a significant impact on one’s emotional well-being and relationships.

According to Medical News Today, exploring its causes and taking proactive steps, we can work towards healing and fostering healthier connections.

Causes of Fear of Abandonment:

  1. Early Life Experiences: Traumatic events during childhood, such as parental separation, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, can lay the foundation for fear of abandonment. These early experiences shape our attachment styles and influence how we perceive and approach relationships.
  2. Past Rejection or Loss: Previous experiences of abandonment, whether through breakups, divorce, or the loss of loved ones, can intensify fears of being abandoned again. These experiences can create emotional wounds and heighten vulnerability.
  3. Insecure Attachment Styles: Individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant attachment, may be more prone to developing a fear of abandonment. Anxious individuals often crave constant reassurance and fear rejection, while avoidant individuals tend to distance themselves emotionally to protect against potential abandonment.
  4. Low Self-Worth and Insecurity: A lack of self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness can contribute to the fear of abandonment. When individuals believe they are inherently unlovable or flawed, they may anticipate rejection and develop a fear of losing the people they care about.
  5. Trauma and Loss: Traumatic experiences, such as abuse, betrayal, or sudden losses, can profoundly impact one’s sense of safety and trust in relationships. They can amplify fears of abandonment and make it challenging to form secure and trusting connections.

Effects of An Abandonment Issue

According to Very Well Mind, the emotional experience of abandonment, whether through the loss of a loved one, a breakup, or neglect, can profoundly affect an individual’s emotional well-being.

Recognizing these effects and taking steps towards healing is crucial for personal growth and building healthier relationships.

Effects of Abandonment:

  1. Emotional Distress: Abandonment can trigger intense sadness, loneliness, and betrayal. It can lead to losing trust in oneself and others, causing difficulties in forming and maintaining meaningful connections of anxious attachment style. People often have intrusive thoughts, such as body image or fixated thinking about death.
  2. Fear of Rejection: Individuals who have experienced abandonment may develop a heightened fear of rejection. This fear can manifest as an intense need for validation and approval, challenging establishing healthy boundaries and maintaining self-worth.
  3. Low Self-Esteem: Abandonment can significantly impact one’s self-esteem and self-worth. Feelings of not being lovable or worthy of love may arise, leading to a negative self-image and difficulties developing self-compassion.
  4. Difficulty with Intimacy: The fear of being abandoned again can make it challenging to open up emotionally and be vulnerable in intimate relationships. This can hinder the development of deep connections and prevent individuals from experiencing fulfilling romantic partnerships.
  5. Trust Issues: Abandonment can erode trust in others, challenging relying on or confiding in people. Trust issues can extend beyond personal relationships and affect professional interactions and well-being.

A Fear of Abandonment Can Lead to a Cycle of Unfulfilling Relationships

A fear of abandonment can significantly impact one’s ability to form and maintain fulfilling romantic relationships afterward.

This fear often stems from past experiences of abandonment, neglect, or loss and can create a cycle of unfulfilling connections that perpetuate feelings of insecurity and fear.

A Fear of Abandonment Can Lead to a Cycle of Unfulfilling Relationships:

  1. Seeking Validation: Individuals who fear abandonment may seek constant validation from their partners. They may rely on external reassurance to feel secure, which can strain the relationship and create an unhealthy dependency.
  2. Push-Pull Dynamics: People who fear abandonment may engage in push-pull behaviors, alternating between intense closeness and emotional distance. They may fear rejection and withdraw to protect themselves but then seek reassurance and connection again, creating a cycle of uncertainty and instability.
  3. Sabotaging Relationships: The fear of abandonment can lead individuals to sabotage their relationships unconsciously. They may have a deep-seated belief that they are unworthy of love and may push their partners away or create conflicts to test their love and loyalty.
  4. Fear of Intimacy: Building emotional intimacy requires vulnerability and trust, which can be challenging for individuals with abandonment issues. They may fear getting too close to their partners, anticipating eventual rejection or abandonment, and may therefore avoid or undermine opportunities for a deeper connection.
  5. Repetitive Patterns: Individuals may be trapped in repetitive relationship patterns without addressing the root causes of their fear of abandonment. They may attract partners who reinforce their fears or exhibit similar abandonment issues, perpetuating the cycle of unfulfilling relationships.

Seeking Professional Help 

Professional help can provide valuable guidance and support when dealing with abandonment issues. Therapy offers a safe space for individuals to explore their emotions, gain insights into their past experiences, and develop coping strategies to navigate their current challenges.

Various therapeutic approaches can assist in healing abandonment wounds, such as:

  1. Psychodynamic Therapy: This therapy helps individuals explore past experiences and their influence on present thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It aims to identify and resolve unresolved emotions related to abandonment.
  2. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) challenges negative thought patterns and develops healthier beliefs and coping mechanisms. It can be effective in addressing ingrained abandonment fears and distorted thinking.
  3. Schema Therapy: This approach targets deeply rooted emotional patterns and schemas developed from past abandonment experiences. Individuals can rebuild a positive self-image and healthier relational habits by identifying and modifying these schemas.

However, it is essential to note that therapy is not always accessible or suitable for everyone. Financial constraints, lack of available professionals, or personal preferences may make seeking professional help challenging. In such cases, individuals can still take steps toward healing independently.

Self-Help Techniques for Healing

  1. Self-reflection and Awareness: Engage in introspection to identify patterns, triggers, and emotional responses related to abandonment. Acknowledge your feelings and thoughts without judgment, allowing yourself to process and validate your experiences.
  2. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote emotional well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, journaling, and engaging in hobbies or activities that bring joy and fulfillment.
  3. Build a Support System: Surround yourself with empathetic and understanding individuals who can offer support and validation. Seek support groups or online communities to connect with others with similar experiences.
  4. Establish Boundaries: Set boundaries in relationships to protect yourself from further emotional harm. Learn to recognize and communicate your needs effectively.
  5. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs stemming from abandonment experiences. Replace self-defeating beliefs with more positive and realistic ones that affirm your worthiness and capacity for healthy connections.
  6. Explore Inner Child Work: Engage in inner child healing exercises, such as visualization, letter writing, or reparenting techniques, to nurture and heal the wounded inner child.

Long-Term Healing and Alternative Approaches 

Healing from abandonment issues is a journey that requires time, patience, and self-compassion.

In addition to therapy and self-help techniques, alternative approaches such as meditation, creative expression, and holistic practices like yoga or acupuncture complement the healing process.

Remember, healing abandonment issues is a unique and individualized process. What works for one person may only work for one person. Embrace your uniqueness and be open to exploring different paths towards healing from abandonment issues.

How to Heal Abandonment Issues as an Adult


Abandonment issues can have a profound impact on our emotional well-being and relationships. If you’re an adult struggling with these challenges, know that healing is possible. Here are some steps to guide you on your path to recovery:

  1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Abandonment Issues: Recognize that your feelings of abandonment are valid and deserve attention. Give yourself permission to explore and address these emotions.
  2. Seek Professional Help: Contact a therapist or counselor specializing in attachment and trauma. They can provide guidance, create a safe space for emotional exploration, and offer evidence-based techniques to help your healing journey.
  3. Explore Attachment Styles: Gain a deeper understanding of different attachment styles, such as anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure attachment. This awareness can show how your abandonment experiences have shaped your relational behaviors.
  4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself throughout the healing process. Cultivate self-compassion by acknowledging your pain, treating yourself with empathy, and reminding yourself that you deserve love and security.
  5. Develop Healthy Boundaries: Set boundaries in your relationships to establish safety and control. Communicate your needs and expectations openly and respectfully.
  6. Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with trustworthy and understanding individuals who can provide emotional support. Sharing your experiences and feelings with others who empathize can be incredibly healing.
  7. Process Past Trauma: Engage in therapeutic techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to process and release the pain associated with past abandonment experiences.
  8. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This can include exercise, meditation, journaling, hobbies, or seeking pleasurable experiences.
  9. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Challenge negative beliefs about yourself due to past abandonment experiences. Replace them with positive and affirming thoughts that promote self-worth and self-love.
  10. Stay Informed: Stay current on publications and research related to attachment and trauma. Educate yourself about the healing journey, therapeutic approaches, and success stories to gain inspiration and confidence in your progress.

Remember, healing from abandonment issues is a unique and personal journey. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories along the way, and know that you have the strength within you to overcome these challenges and cultivate emotional well-being.

Professional guidance can be instrumental in addressing deep-seated fears and developing healthier relationship patterns.

Acknowledging Your Abandonment Issues

Dealing with abandonment issues can be challenging and significantly impact your well-being and relationships. Acknowledging and addressing these issues is essential to foster healthy human development and personal growth and cultivate more beneficial connections.

Steps to Acknowledge Your Abandonment Issues:

  1. Self-Reflection: Take time for self-reflection to identify and acknowledge any feelings of abandonment that may be present. Explore past experiences, relationships, and patterns contributing to these emotions.
  2. Seek Support: Contact a mental health professional or therapist specializing in attachment and abandonment issues. They can provide guidance and support and help you navigate through your emotions in a safe and non-judgmental space.
  3. Education and Awareness: Educate yourself about the psychology of abandonment, attachment styles, and their impact on relationships. Understanding the root causes and psychological dynamics can help you gain insight into your experiences.
  4. Validate Your Emotions: It is crucial to validate your emotions and permit yourself to feel what you feel. Acceptance and understanding are keys in the process of healing from abandonment issues.
  5. Practice Self-Compassion: Cultivate self-compassion by being kind and understanding towards yourself. Remind yourself that your experiences and emotions are valid, and give yourself the care and nurturing you need.
  6. Journaling and Expression: Use journaling or other forms of creative expression to process and explore your emotions. Writing down your thoughts, fears, and desires can help you gain clarity and release pent-up emotions.
  7. Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Engage in mindfulness practices to develop self-awareness and stay present in the moment. Mindfulness can help you recognize and respond to any abandonment triggers more healthily.
  8. Build Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who can provide a safe and nurturing environment. Seek out relationships that promote healthy communication, trust, and emotional support.
  9. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries in your relationships to protect your emotional well-being. Communicate your needs and expectations openly, and be assertive in expressing what you are comfortable with.
  10. Patience and Persistence: Healing from abandonment issues takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. Remember that healing is a journey, and it is okay to seek ongoing support as needed.

Helping a Child with Abandonment Issues

Children who have experienced abandonment may struggle with trust, attachment, and emotional well-being. It is crucial to provide them with support and guidance to help them heal and develop healthy relationships. According to Childwelfare.gov, there are

Steps to Help a Child with Abandonment Issues:

  1. Create a Safe and Stable Environment: Ensure that the child feels secure and loved in their environment. Consistency, routine, and clear boundaries help establish a sense of stability.
  2. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge and validate the child’s abandonment-related emotions. Encourage open communication, active listening, and empathy to create a safe space for them to express their thoughts and fears.
  3. Build Trust: Help the child rebuild trust by being reliable and consistent in your interactions. Keep your promises, be dependable, and follow through on commitments.
  4. Establish Healthy Attachments: Encourage healthy attachments with trusted adults, such as family members, teachers, or counselors. These relationships can provide the child with additional support and positive role models.
  5. Therapeutic Support: Consider involving a mental health professional who works with children who have experienced abandonment. Therapy can provide a safe and structured environment for the child to process their emotions and develop coping strategies.
  6. Psychoeducation: Educate yourself and the child about abandonment and its impact on emotional well-being. Use age-appropriate resources to explain the concepts and help the child understand that their experiences are valid.
  7. Promote Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Encourage and reinforce the child’s self-esteem by highlighting their strengths and accomplishments. Help them develop a positive self-image by engaging in activities they enjoy and providing opportunities for personal growth.
  8. Encourage Healthy Relationships: Teach the child about healthy relationships based on respect, trust, and open communication: model positive relationship dynamics and guide on setting boundaries and recognizing red flags.
  9. Support Network: Engage with a support network that includes friends, family, and community resources. This network can offer additional emotional support and guidance for the child and the caregiver.
  10. Patience and Unconditional Love: Healing from abandonment issues takes time and patience. Show the child unconditional love, understanding, and patience throughout their journey. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small, and be a consistent source of support.

Remember, every child’s journey is unique, and it is crucial to tailor these steps based on their needs. Consulting with a mental health professional can provide further guidance and personalized strategies.

How To Heal From Abandonment Issues Conclusion 

By taking proactive steps to address and heal from past abandonment, individuals can reclaim their sense of self, develop healthier relationships, and forge a brighter future filled with healthy life, with love, trust, and resilience.

Are you curious about more therapy techniques for trauma, or have any questions about trauma certification? You may also learn about past trauma techniques for abandonment issues and vicarious trauma.

Leave a comment, and our Online Mental Health Reviews team will gladly assist you. We also welcome suggestions on mental health services, apps, or courses you’d like us to review next. Your feedback helps us provide the most valuable information to our readers.

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If You Are In Crisis

Waiting for an online therapy appointment may be unsafe if you are in a crisis and need immediate assistance. It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and take action right away. Here are some resources you can reach out to:

  1. Call 911: If you feel that you or someone else is in immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, dial 911 without hesitation. Emergency services can provide the direct support and intervention required in such situations.
  2. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: If you’re having thoughts of hurting yourself, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This helpline operates 24/7 and connects you with professionals trained in crisis intervention and suicide prevention. Help is available; you don’t have to face these feelings alone.
  3. National Helpline (SAMHSA): The National Helpline, reachable at 800-662-HELP (4357), is a confidential service provided by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). This helpline offers free support for individuals with mental health or substance abuse disorders. Trained specialists can assist you in finding appropriate treatment options and provide relevant information year-round.

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