How to Stop Thinking About Affair Partner: A Guide To Moving On

By Jared Levenson - Reviewed on August 24, 2023
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Navigating the emotional labyrinth that follows an extramarital affair can often feel like a solitary journey through pain and turmoil. It’s a path fraught with self-doubt, guilt, and a barrage of unanswered questions. How do you stop thinking about your affair partner? How do you move on? These are questions and echoes of a heart seeking the same way: solace and closure.

This article addresses these questions and provides practical guidance, helping you turn the page toward healing, hope, and self-renewal.

At Online Mental Health Reviews, we understand the complexity of these intense emotions. Our team, composed of trained mental health professionals, has poured their expertise into creating resources designed to support individuals grappling with the aftermath of an affair. We believe in the power of informed decisions, and our goal is to help you navigate this challenging phase with clarity and confidence.

In the following sections, you’ll find a wealth of mental health info, from coping strategies to professional insights, all aimed at empowering you to move forward. Because sometimes, the first step towards recovery is understanding that you’re not alone on this journey.

Practice Letting the Affair Go

Letting go of an affair is crucial in moving forward. Here are some practices that can help you through this process:

  1. Acceptance: Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Accept that the affair happened and that it’s normal to feel a range of emotions – guilt, sadness, relief, or even longing.
  2. Forgiveness: Forgive yourself for the affair. This doesn’t mean condoning what happened but rather releasing the burden of guilt and regret that can hinder your healing process.
  3. Distraction: Keep yourself busy with activities you enjoy. This will help to distract you from dwelling on the affair and focus on the present moment.
  4. Self-Care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. This can involve regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga.
  5. Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a professional counselor for approval. They can provide guidance and a safe space to express your feelings.
  6. Reflection: Use an evidence-based journal to reflect on why the affair happened and what you can learn from it. This self-reflection can lead to personal growth and help prevent similar situations in the future.
  7. Future Focus: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on the future. Set new goals, pursue new interests, and work on building healthier relationships.

Remember, letting go takes time and patience, and it’s okay to feel a range of emotions during this

Basic Tips

How To End An Affair With Someone You Love | Ending An Affair When It's Hard To Do So
  1. Acceptance: Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Suppressing emotions can prolong the healing process.
  2. Cut-Off Contact: Avoid contact with your affair partner. This includes not checking their social media profiles.
  3. Therapy: Seek professional help. Therapists can provide strategies to cope with your feelings and repair relationships.
  4. Support Network: Lean on friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your feelings can alleviate the emotional burden.
  5. Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote well-being, like exercise, meditation, or journaling.

Why It’s Hard to Let Go

The intensity of an affair often creates a strong emotional connection and bond, making it difficult to sever ties mentally. The secrecy and excitement of the relationship can intensify these feelings, leading to obsessive thoughts. Moreover, the guilt and shame associated with the affair can prolong these thoughts, making it harder to move on.

Resources for Further Reading:

Common Questions

  • Why can’t I stop thinking about my affair partner? This is often due to the emotional attachment formed during the affair.
  • Is it normal to miss my husband and affair partner? Yes, it’s normal. However, it’s crucial to remember why the relationship had to end and focus on rebuilding trust in your primary relationship.
  • How long will it take to stop thinking about them? There’s no set timeline. Healing is a personal journey over a year that varies from person to person.
byu/OSU1111 from discussion

Dos and Don’ts

  • Do remind yourself why the affair ended. Don’t romanticize the relationship.
  • Do focus on rebuilding trust in your primary relationship. Don’t rush the healing process.
  • Do practice self-compassion. Don’t let guilt and shame consume you.

Understanding the Repercussions of an Affair

  • Acceptance of feelings associated with the affair is necessary for moving forward.
  • Forgive yourself, and focus on the present to distract from dwelling on the past.
  • Self-care, support, and reflection are important for healing.
  • Set goals and pursue new interests to focus on the future.

Remember, it’s crucial to seek professional help when dealing with the repercussions of an affair. Therapists and counselors can provide strategies to cope with the emotional fallout, facilitate communication between partners, and guide the healing process.

What You Need to Understand if You’re Considering Ending the Affair

Ending an affair can be a complex and emotionally charged process. Here are some key points to understand if you’re considering ending an experience:

  • Making an irreversible decision to end the affair is the first step, based on values and commitment to primary relationship.
  • Expect conflicting emotions such as guilt, relief, sadness and anxiety.
  • Cutting off contact with the affair partner is usually necessary.
  • Seeking support from trusted people or a professional can help.
  • Being honest with primary partner is beneficial for the healing process.
  • Healing takes time and patience; practice self-care during this period.
  • Learn from the experience for personal growth and to prevent making the same mistakes in the future.

Ending an affair is a significant step that takes courage and determination. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. With time, support, and self-care, you can navigate this challenging period and become stronger on the other side.

Focus on All the Reasons Why You Must End the Affair

Ending an affair can be a difficult decision, but there are several compelling reasons why it’s typically the best course of action:

  1. Preserving Integrity: Having an affair often involves deception and betrayal, eroding your sense of integrity and self-respect. Ending the experience allows you to align your actions with your values.
  2. Protecting Your Primary Relationship: If you’re in a committed relationship, ending the affair can prevent further damage and open the door for healing and rebuilding trust.
  3. Avoiding Emotional Pain: Affairs often bring about great emotional turmoil for all parties involved. Ending the affair can help to alleviate this pain over time.
  4. Preventing Further Complications: Affairs can complicate your life in numerous ways, from strained relationships to potential professional repercussions. Ending the affair can prevent these complications from escalating.
  5. Fostering Personal Growth: Ending an affair and dealing with its aftermath can lead to significant personal growth, helping you better understand your needs and relationship patterns.
  6. Maintaining Mental Health: The stress and guilt of retaining an affair can negatively impact your mental health. Ending the experience can lift these burdens and contribute to improved mental well-being.

7 More Tips for Getting Closure After an Affair


Getting Closure After an Affair


The first step is accepting that the experience happened. 

Cut-Off Contact

Taking this step will help in healing from the trauma and rebuilding trust


Self-forgiveness is essential
Taking responsibility for actions is important.

Seek Professional Help

Consider seeking help from a professional counselor or therapist.

Psychotic Depression

Consider seeking help from a professional counselor or therapist.

Open Communication

If your primary partner knows about the affair, it's important to communicate openly and honestly with them


Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health

Tips To Prevent A Marriage From Getting Old

Suppose you want to bring excitement into your relationship or marriage (and avoid an affair entirely!). In that case, it’s important to remember that excitement and novelty often come from doing new things or making changes. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Communicate Openly: Talk to your partner about your needs and desires. This could include discussing what excited you about the affair and how you might incorporate similar elements into your relationship.
  2. Try New Experiences Together: Shared experiences can strengthen your bond and create excitement. This could be as simple as trying a new restaurant, going on a trip, or picking up a new hobby together.
  3. Prioritize Quality Time: Make time for each other. Whether it’s a regular date night or just spending time together without distractions, quality time can help rekindle your connection.
  4. Show Appreciation: Regularly express your appreciation for your partner. Small gestures of kindness and words of affirmation can go a long way in maintaining a positive relationship.
  5. Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to bring excitement back into your relationship, consider seeking help from a relationship counselor. They can provide strategies and tools to help you navigate these challenges.

How To Stop Thinking About Affair Partner Conclusion

In conclusion, moving on from an affair partner is a journey that requires acceptance, self-care, and often professional help. It’s crucial to understand that it’s normal to have lingering thoughts about the person you were involved with.

However, these thoughts don’t have to control your life. You can navigate this challenging time by implementing strategies such as cutting off contact, focusing on self-improvement, seeking therapy, and leaning on a support network. Remember, it’s important not to rush the healing process. Every step you take towards moving on, no matter how small, is a significant victory in reclaiming control over your emotional well-being.

Many ‘stop thinking’ techniques are similar across multiple problems as well! For example, the same basic strategies also work if you can’t stop thinking about death before bed, an affair partner, lost money, past hurts, negative thoughts, breathing, and ultimately transforming your mind.

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If You Are In Crisis

Don’t wait for an online therapy session in case of an emergency. If you’re in immediate danger or have plans to harm yourself or others, dial 911 immediately. If you’re contemplating self-harm, contact the 24/7 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. Contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 800-662-HELP (4357) for those struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues. This free, confidential service provides treatment information and referral services 24/7, 365 days a year.

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